I spent a week at the beach, leaving the day after Christmas and returning January 2. So I was there for New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. I’m not a big party person, and time away by myself is enjoyable.
Rosemary Beach on Highway 30-A is my chosen beach. The community is lovely with lots of wonderful restaurants, a great coffee shop, and good walking—on the beach as well as through the neighborhood. One of the best aspects of this enclave is the prevalence of carriage houses. Most homes in the area also have a detached garage with a one bedroom apartment above it. This is the perfect size for a solo traveler.
The weather is iffy this time of year, and to that end, I was following it closely before deciding to book the rental. The predictions did fluctuate a bit, but when I finally bit the bullet, the forecast called for sun with highs in the low 70’s for the first three days, then a substantial cooling off for the remainder of the time I was planning on being there. Well, it ended up being cooler than expected for the entire week, but I was still able to be comfortable on the beach if I dressed appropriately.
Another aspect of these trips that I thoroughly enjoy is dining out. I am completely at ease dining solo. I prefer a table, but will sit at the bar if that is all that is available. In my advancing years, too, I have come to embrace the “early bird special,” arriving at 5:00. There’s a higher likelihood that a table for one is available that early in the evening, too.
With all this fabulousness surrounding me, why was I surprised by grief? The new year doesn’t usually bring up fresh waves of grief for me as it does for some, which I can understand. Walking into a new year without a loved one is tough. My husband and I had a tradition of reviewing the year while lying in bed on New Year’s Eve. I do that by myself now, and my life is full, making it enjoyable to go back through my photos and jog those memories, even without him.
So what was it?
I subscribe to a daily reflection, and on December 29, the reader was asked to contemplate the following quote of Jesus: “… store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (Matthew 6:20-21.) We were asked to answer for ourselves where our treasures/hearts were, and then muse on how we would react if our “treasure” was taken away. Immediately, my mind went to my husband and all that I lost when he died.
And how have I survived the loss of that precious man? What “treasure in heaven” is keeping my heart open and beating? For it is!
The relationships I have with my family members and friends can’t replace the loss, but they absolutely help. Immersion in nature helps. Moving my body helps. Journaling and reflecting help. Yet, all these things are of the world. They are not “treasures in heaven.” If I lose these things, what will I have left?
Maybe the “treasures” are the attributes of my soul, my true being, the god-spark within—attributes such as love, kindness, curiosity, balance, gratitude. I treasure these aspects of my inner self. And if I allow them room to grow, they will help fill the void in my heart that was left by the loss. The earlier grief I felt lessened with this realization.