“Let’s do it together” was a caregiving mantra I often used to remind myself that Harvey and I were still a couple. We had done most of life together, and vacations were another facet of that togetherness.
It seems odd to discuss travel when we can’t actually do it due to COVID-19, but maybe my ideas will start the travel planning juices flowing as we look ahead to a future with vaccinations and coronavirus eradication.
When Harvey was diagnosed with younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease, I knew our dreams of extensive travel would be shelved. However, I just couldn’t give up travel altogether. It was something we had always dreamed of doing together. I was just going to have to adjust our plans and goals.
I started to make plans for the most taxing trip first, a bucket list item, rafting down the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon. It was difficult, but we pulled it off. Harvey had some mishaps, and he wasn’t particularly happy with parts of the trip, but our family created some great memories.
The next summer, I planned a trip to Seattle, where we boarded an overnight train to Glacier National Park, rented a car there, and explored the wilderness. The summer after that, we went to Belize. We had a guide, who was aware of Harvey’s diagnosis, for most of the trip. Again, a few mishaps, but mostly an amazing, varied vacation of cave tubing, airboating, and snorkeling. For our last big family trip, I rented a beach house for a week, and we just ate and relaxed.
I learned several things in planning and executing these vacations.
My number one travel tip is: know where the family restrooms are and use them! I had started using them when Harvey and I were out shopping, just so that I could keep tabs on him and help him if he needed it. Once, at an interstate rest area, there was no family restroom, and I had to ask a stranger to guide him out. The family restrooms are especially helpful at airports. The last thing you want is for your loved one to get lost in a cavernous airport bathroom.
Other things to consider if you are traveling by air: request wheelchair assistance ahead of time and use the family check-in at TSA if needed. Tell the TSA agent about your loved one’s diagnosis because he or she may not be able to follow through with the agent’s instructions. If your assigned seats are apart from each other, tell the desk that it is imperative that you be seated together, and they will arrange it.
If traveling by car, schedule frequent breaks. Travel shorter distances—ones that you know your loved one will tolerate.
If staying in hotels or guest houses like Airbnb, your loved one may not be able to remember their way around, so be vigilant—I lost Harvey for a few harrowing minutes on a couple of trips. If staying with friends or family, use the same precautions.
Items to take with you no matter the mode of transportation: Full itinerary, emergency contact numbers, medication list, physician numbers, legal papers such as power of attorney, and an up-to-date photo of your loved one.
If it’s within your budget, you could take a paid caregiver with you. This would free you up to enjoy time by yourself or with other members of your party.
This article has some more helpful ideas about traveling with someone who is living with dementia.
I hope that we can all safely travel again soon!
PS: My recent essay, describes how I came to embrace this caregiving principle, especially in terms of chores around the house. I wrote about how I incorporated playing together in another essay.
In my book, the sixteenth chapter describes our oldest daughter’s wedding and how we incorporated Harvey into it.